My Little Miria
by Humida
Summary: what happens when Miria makes it into the pony world and everything she knew turns upside down?  come and find out as she goes through the madness that is ponyville!
1. Chapter 1

My Little Miria- The apple thieves

As her muscles ripple and stretch, the yoma energy stressing her body, Miria looks towards the stunned Hysteria through a distorted blood haze.

"Alright," she says through a grating voice, "Let's see who will last longer!"

Hysteria's eyes narrow and then soften. "Alright," she says with a smile.

Her loose uncaring demeanor catches Miria off guard when suddenly she finds herself rammed against a stone. As Miria tries to rise from the stone her head is bashed against the sharp rock protrusions again and again until the blood is flowing out from her cracked and bleeding skull. Unable to rise up against Hysteria's attacks Miria is only able to look on as Hysteria raises the butt of her blade to smash it against her face.

"Miria!" a voice hollers in her ears. "Miria... Miria! Wake up!"

Miria wakens with a startled gasp, smacking the voice in the mouth.

"OW!" says Helen, looking towards her with teary eyes. "You don't have to wake up so grumpy all the time!"

"Helen? I'm... is your hair blue?"

"Well yeah," Helen says, leaning close so both their noses are touching. "That apple sure hit you hard, didn't it? Can't you remember me?"

Miria pushes the very pale face away and wipes her face. But the vision doesn't disappear and Helen stares back not with silver eyes and silver hair, but bright blue hair and jade green eyes, on a body of four legs with a bright blue tail. I must have hit my head harder then I thought. Helen looks like a horse!

Helen is hopping back and forth like a girl on too much speed. "Miria! Hey Miria! Remember! Remember! You promised you'd help me go apple picking! And guess what? Today is the day! So are ya? Are ya? Huh? Huh?"

Miria shoves her fist against Helen's mouth making her cheeks puff up large. "Alright, will you shut up for a minute so I can clear my head?"

Helen nods vigorously and Miria slowly pulls her fist out, glancing down and realizing she doesn't have a fist. Or a hand.

"My hands!" she says waving her hooves frantically. "What happened to my hands?"

Helen rolls her eyes. Shaking her head, she pushes under Miria's hips so Miria is looking at the backside of Helen's hips. "Helen, what are you...?"

The gas suddenly escaping Helen's rear makes Miria's face go green. "Oh yeah..." says Helen. "I've hand some bean burritos, you should probably turn around."

Miria hangs over Helen's side, the bumping of Helen's hips against her neck and the noxious fumes against her nose. I'm going to be sick, she thinks.

"Alright," says Helen, "it's gonna be a bumpy ride!"

By the time they reach their destination, a grove full of apple trees, Miria has puked at least twenty times and feels about ready to throw up again. Helen's gas trail just seemed to get worse with each step.

"Alright Miria," helen says cheerfully, "this is our stop!"

And she bucks Miria off, dumping her in her last trail of bile. "Silly Miria, I think you should clean off!"

"I think I'm going to be sick... again..." says Miria, her face turning an even paler green. And pukes on the floor again as Helen turns her back, another clout of gas appearing before Miria. Miria's eyes go wide and she dodges aside as the gas cloud seems to follow her for a few steps seeming to have a mind of its own. As it comes near her a sound like a loud explosion rings out and the cloud hesitates and moves out of the field.

Poking around the tree Miria gives Helen a glance. "What was that sound?"

Helen turns slowly, sweat beading on her brow. "Oh... nothing," she says with a large smile, the sweat quickly making a small puddle at her feet.

"That look doesn't sound like nothing."

"Yeah... let me check."

Helen's neck stretches to incredible lengths scanning over the trees when another shot rings out, this one alarmingly closer. Helen's neck suddenly comes crashing back down, wide eyed as she feels the top of her head. Where there used to be a tuft of hair is suddenly a bald spot.

"We have to get out of here," Helen yells suddenly, leaping on Miria's back.

"I could guess that but why are you on my back?"

"Cuz you're the fastest runner in all of Equestria!" says Helen. "Why else do you think I brought you?"

"Of course," says Miria with a sneer.

An orange horse with long blonde hair and freckles suddenly appears before them carrying a long wooden stick. She spits to the side, her eyes narrowing, a flame appearing in each one.

"You rotten little thieves trying to steal my apples! I'll tan yer' hides!"

And she aims the stick with two holes straight at Miria's face.

"Go! Go! Go!" says Helen slapping Miria in the ass.

"Hey! Why are we..."

The explosion rings out and a part of the tree to Miria's right suddenly tears apart. Miria's eyes go wide and she disappears away from the orange horse.

"Not this way," says Helen. "There's a mine field over here!"

"A mine field?" Miria asks not sure what that is when her foot steps deeper in a spot and as she moves past dirt and debris scatters behind her, a loud explosion sounding with it.

"What was that?"

"A mine, duh! You stepped on a mine, you better not-"

And Miria's left front foot sinks into the earth. She dodges to the right as there is an explosion, feeling her back right foot sink into the earth. A few explosions later and they are cleared of the field. Miria's heart thundering in her chest.

"Was that the last of them?" she says, her tongue almost rolling on the floor. Her left foot sinks into the floor.

Miria stares at her foot and sighs. The explosion knocks both skywards knocking them out of the orchard.

"And stay out you yellow bellied dirt eaters!" she hears the orange pony yell some distance away. She stares at Helen who looks at her with an apologetic gaze as she lies hanging from her left foot in a tree.

"I think that was the last one," she says.

"Gee. You think?" says Miria. "Remind me not to help you next time you go apple picking again." And with this she lets herself fall flat falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Interspecies Relations

Trotting along with Helen next to her Miria sighs and looks at her friend. As if nearly getting blown to bits wasn't enough, Helen's stomach is still grumbling. "Helen," Miria says exasperated. "Can't you quiet it down?"

"I caaaaaaann't!" Helen wails. "I'm still hungry!" And her stomach answers with another earth shaking growl. "You were never this bad before," Miria sighs as the earth once more shakes with Helen's growls.

"What is that?" a squeaky voice yells. "An earthquake?"

Miria looks over to her left and sees a giant black rat with a crown and a funny looking multi colored umbrella on his head. "I don't know," she says, ignoring the fact that she's talking to a rat. "Things don't make sense anymore."

"Way of the world Mrs. Now if you'll excuse me..."

"Cheese!" Helen yells, her mouth salivating, her stomach growling again.

"What cheese?" says the rat, "I don't smell any cheese!"

But Helen's mouth is watering, eyes bright on the rat. She opens her mouth wide and leans in, biting the black rat where a large tattoo that looks like a block of cheese is located. There is a second of dead silence as eyes go wide and then the loud scream as the rat flies into the air from his nerves suddenly catching up to the pain receptors in his brain.

"My cheese!" wails Helen, watching the rat disappear.

"That's not cheese, Helen," says Miria with a roll of her eyes. "It's a rat!"

"It's moldy cheese, but it's still cheese!" says Helen as the rat plummets back to the earth with a slam. "My cheese!" says Helen chomping on the rat's cheese mark once more. Another scream later and the giant rat is leaping away, Helen in hot pursuit.

Miria rolls her eyes and trots away in the opposite direction. "Maybe now I can find someone sane in this world."

Great King Rat Johann Pual the 3rd of the island of swiss was only minding his own business when the earth shook violently. He'd put on the multi colored umbrella hat the pink pony had told him to when he found out the rumbles came from the white pony with tooth paste colored hair. Thinking to introduce himself he'd been cut off short when the white pony confused him for a block of cheese and now with both his right and left flanks burning from most undoubted severe infections, he runs.

Hiding behind the bushes, up a tree, in the old church bell, on top of the pagasai clouds, nowhere seemed to be safe! A single pant and there was the yell of "CHEESE!" only a second behind with a sudden intense pain on one of his flanks a second after. Now with both flanks looking more like a baboon's butt then a beautiful jet black he continues running finally hiding beneath a bridge next to some otters by some silly cottage.

The white pony looks in and sighs. "Fiddlesticks! I wanted that cheese. But I can't go tramping through Fluttershy's garden and scare all her animals! That's a big no no."

The earth rumbles once more with the pony's hunger, the animals disappearing in their respective holes. "Oh! Better go find more food! Bye Mr. Cheese!" says the psychotic pony and hops away as if nothing ever happened.

Rat wipes the sweat away from his brow, a small tsunami ensuing in the river before him and sighs. "Maybe now I can find some sane ponies around here!"

As he steps out of the water he hears a small eep escape to his left and looks to find a pink haired pegasus staring at him. "Oh my goodness! Are you from the Ever Free forest?"

"No," he says, coughing to clear his throat. "I am the Great King Rat Johann Paul the 3rd from the Island of Swiss, Swiss Cheese that is, and..."

"Oh My Goodness!" the pony squeals. "A talking mouse! It's so wonderful I ... I can't think of anything to say!"

"Heh," says rat rubbing his knuckles in his fur. "I have that effect on people."

She squeals and rushes rat suddenly, taking him in her hooves and crushing the life out of him.

"You're so adorable, I'm going to love you to pieces!"

"C-can't breathe!" says rat, gasping.

"We're going to be the best of friends! You'll see!"

And as he hears each rib snap in consecutive order like a pack of dominos, his eyes roll into his head and his tongue lols out over the floor. The rat is dead. Or is he?

Meanwhile Miria is trotting along, oblivious to the mortal peril of king rat when a voice catches her attention.

"Miria! Is that you?"

She turns recognizing a voice she hasn't heard in some time and gasp upon seeing a startlingly beautiful pink pony with silver white hair and sapphire blue eyes. "Clare, is that really you?" Miria says in shock.

"Of course it's me," says Clare with a smile. "Hey, I need your help with something..."

"Hey is for horses Clare," says a voice behind her. A hideous green lizard head pops up behind her flank. "Oh hey Miria," it says, waving.

"A yoma!" Miria shrieks and leaps at the green lizard creature, stomping on it repeatedly. "Killit!killit!killit!"

Clare taps her on the shoulder with a frown on her face. "What?" ask Miria, slowing down.

"Ehem," says Clare with a slight growl. "Why are you stomping on Raki?"

"Raki?" says Miria jumping back, "I thought it was a yoma!"

Clare helps the lizard creature that is Raki get up, who quickly dust himself off with nothing worse for wear then a few slight scratches. "A yoma?" says Raki. "Miria, sounds like you've been hitting Pinkie Pie's habanero punch too much. And what the hell's a yoma?"

"Um..." says Miria looking away, sweating a small puddle. I guess they don't have yoma here, she thinks. She smiles awkwardly. "It's nothing, just something I had from a nightmare."

"Something that looks like me?" says Raki.

"Why am I not surprised," says Clare. "Anyways..." she says trotting up to Miria with a worried smile. "I have something to ask of you regarding the... nightmare."

"What?" ask Miria.

"What nightmare?" says Raki with indignation.

"Do you mind watching him for a few hours? I need to go see Princess Celestia and I can't be seen around with the horny dwarf for awhile..."

"I..."

"Hey!" says Raki from behind Clare's flank. "I'm not a dwarf! I'm well proportioned for my breed!"

"Is that why you're the only one left?" says Clare.

"Hey, it's not my fault we taste like chocolate brownies!"

"A chocolate brownie?" asks Miria. She rolls her eyes and sighs. And here I'd hoped Clare was sane. Silly me.

Rat wakens slowly to a throbbing jackhammer against his head hearing what sounds like the yellow pony arguing with herself. "Now are these from Pinkie's rave or the medicine for headaches?"

She looks like blurry mustard with pink cotton candy hair and rat slowly gets up. "What are you-?"

"These'll do," she says, shoving a hooffull of pills down his throat. He coughs suddenly, feeling them go down his throat and quickly settle in his stomach. With the acid rumbling in his stomach the mustard shape starts to change.

"Are you alright?" asks a human nurse with tall long legs and a great bust trying to slip out of her front shirt, her pink hair flowing down the center of her back. Rat's mouth is suddenly watering and he pops out of bed rushing towards the woman and taking her in his arms, a red rose in his lips.

"Mi amore," he says stroking the flower over her long neck, "we should have dinner at my place and then... we can have you."

"Oh my goodness!" says the woman. "Oh my..."

"Well..." says rat waving his eyebrows enthusiastically. "Maybe we'll just skip the dinner and go right to you?"

"Oh my..." she says swooning.

Rat kisses her on the throat sending a tingle down her spine and she goes limp in his arms. "I have that effect on women. Now shall we?"

And a loud ruckus is soon heard, all the animals nearby hiding from Fluttershy's sudden yells and profanities thundering from her room.

Miria circles with Raki in Clare's cottage trying to keep him in front of her since when they got there he's been touching her flank and comparing it to Clare's. Raki pinches Miria's bottom once more and having had enough she clamps her teeth down on his arm. There is a scream and suddenly a grown lizard smashing into the ceiling.

"Alright! Enough Raki! Keep your hands to yourself! And enough about Clare and flanks! You sound like an oversexed ... Freak!"

Raki stares at her with a wide toothy grin, her words only seeming to make him preen instead of feel shame. "You have no idea! Oh," he says skipping along. "Come check out my room!"

Miria sighs as Raki hops down to the cellar on a spring tail, opening two wide doors that seemed as tall as the whole cottage itself. The room itself is dark, but large and spacious. Miria walks into room looking around. It seems like things are hanging everywhere and she falls tripping over a long chain. "What's a chain doing in your room Raki?"

"Oh that, I should turn on the lights!"

He pulls a long switch on the wall and the room is illuminated, several long stalactite looking objects hanging everywhere along the ceiling, several compromising posters of Clare and several chains and different instruments used for Miria can only wonder.

"Do you like my room?" Raki chimes in.

Miria's eyes roll into the back of her head as the color drains from her face and she falls over unconscious.

Miria stares with red infuriated eyes, her mane getting in her eyes which stare with a blood shot look. Her teeth are grinding against each other as she contemplates ways of slowly killing Raki when she escapes. She is swinging slowly from the ceiling, her feet bound together and her rear flank swollen and blue. Now she knows what those objects are for and Raki will die for it.

"When Clare gets back she's going to find your chocolate brownie covered hide smeared over all these walls!"

She is jabbing at him quickly with her horn, the horn ripping large gashes into the wall and bed, sending a plume of feathers in the air while Raki seems to dodge uses her phantom speed.

"I... Don't...Think... So!" says Raki as he dodges each swing until Miria finally tires out. Gasping and panting she stares at him with her bloodshot eyes. Raki crosses his arms and makes a tsking noise. "Damn. Here I thought you'd be as fun as Clare cuz you have a big flank! But you just can't compare to my cotton candy goddess!" His tail is spinning like a small helicopter, lifting him from the ground, hearts in his eyes.

"Get me down from here!"

Raki falls stomach first on the floor and looks at her. "And what'll you do if I get you down?"

"Skin you alive and shove your carcass down Helen's throat!"

"Yeah," says Raki grabbing a coat and shutting off the light. "Not gonna' happen."

"Hey! Where are you going!" she says as she is thrust into a dark shadow.

"After Clare! Duh!" says Raki. And with that the doors to the cellar slam shut leaving Miria dangling helplessly from the ceiling. A loud roar echoes and shakes the little tree cottage as Raki exits, making him shake several feet while any ponies who were wandering outside suddenly disappear from the streets. "Jeez," he says looking back. "She's almost as loud as Clare! Clare... Off to find Clare!" And he skips along dancing as he leaves Miria raging.

King Rat Johan Paul the 3rd of the Island of Swiss slowly wakens to the strong scent of raspberry next to his nose. He sighs, "Oh what a heavenly smell. That was the best smex dream ever!"

"Oh why, thank you," says the yellow pegasus next to him, kissing him on the lips. He stares wide eyed at her, dumb founded. "You were pretty good too. Very... unique..."

Rat watches, his lips quivering, eyes growing big. "B-b-b-b-b-but y-y-you were human! A dream right?"

"No silly," and she kisses him on his open mouth again. "I'm very real. I'm leaving my number on the counter, call me when you want to come around again!" and she gives him a bright wink and flutters away on her wings, hearts popping around her singing softly as she floats out the window.

Rat gets out of bed, slowly rubbing his eyes. "Mom always did say I'd screw up what girl I chose. She won't be ratty enough for you, with your luck you'll end up with some manticore that'll gobble you up! No mom, she just looks like butterscotch smeared with cotton candy inside a feather mattress!"

He kicks the table missing with part of his foot and stubs his big toe instead. It swells to five times its size throbbing violently and he lets out a womanly shriek and hops around for an hour before finally stopping. Scratching he thinks, but the smex was still good. He picks up her fluttering number and shrugs. "Meh. I'll take what I get, even if she does look like candy."

Bouncing up to the guards, still tied by her four legs but with the chain cut, Miria is halted. "Stop, identify yourself!"

"Phantom Miria, I'm here to kill some dwarf sized dragon! Now out of my way!"

The guards nod and mutter something about a mutant chicken as Miria hops into the court yard, the feathers from Raki's feather mattress stinging against her skin. "Raki- Ouch! When I get my hand on you- Ow! I swear...ow!"

She hops into the throne room finding Celestia discussing with Clare if discussing is accurate when Celestia's eyes look bloodshot and her voice is thundering through the room. "So you think just because you're the prettiest pony in Equestria you can barge in and demand to see queen Teresa!"

"I never said that," says Clare with a sigh. "You said that."

"And my men, isn't that right?"

They all nod, murmuring about a pretty pony. Celestia screams in outrage, magically popping the head of the one nearest to her. "No!no!No! I'm the prettiest pony in Equestria! Not her! And I'll prove it once I skin her alive!"

Miria sees as Clare is suddenly skittering backwards trying to back away from the enraged Celestia who seems to grow larger by the second. "I am the prettiest pony and all of Equestria will know- OW!"

She screams, bucking like a mad bronco as Raki bites her flank leaving a nasty looking impression that attracts flies. "Heh. You wish you were the prettiest pony, we all know you're just a bald faced hag. Luna is waaaaay prettier then you!"

"Raki!" Clare yells.

"You!" snarls Celestia. "You started all this you chocolate tasting dwarf! Let's see how well you can fly!"

She sends him flying outside the castle walls with Clare rushing to the edge watching as he falls. Turning her attentions to some ponies dressed in blue Celestia says, "Go and make sure he lands with a satisfying splat."

The blue ponies rush over the edge of the cloud, flying at light speed while Clare bounces back and forth hearing Raki's long winded scream as he falls. Miria can't help but feel a mixture of emotions as she isn't sure she wouldn't have killed him herself. The little perv, she thinks. Serves him right.

She hops over wanting to hear him splat herself when there is a sonic wave blowing over their manes followed by four crunches and then a splat. "Ahhh..." says Celestia, as Clare's eyes tear up. "Now that's a sound I like to he..." And there is another splat, followed by two more.

"Wait," says Celestia, her ears drooping suddenly. "That's one too many splats!"

"Of course it is!" a voice very near them says.

"Raki!" says Clare with a joyous voice. Miria stares at Clare wondering how she can like such a pervert. But stares more at the pegasus before them.

"You!" Celestia growls, looking at the yellow pegasus with blue hair.

"The one and only!" the pony says, smiling a wide toothy grin, her eyes seeming to light up.

Celestia screams in rage, her mane bursting in flame and then stares as she sees it falling around her in ash. "Damn it, I need to get another wig again. You win, this time, Clare..." And she stomps off, a bald, tailless, pagasus unicorn.

Miria's mane goes up as she stares at the yellow pegasus, the feathers suddenly falling away from her body as a cold chill washes over her. She recognizes that voice.

"Why hello Miria!" says the pagasus, waving her hoof frantically. "You ready for our game tomorrow?"

And Miria grows stone cold, a warm trickle running down her legs. She's alive. That monster, Ophelia, is alive! She falls over curling into a fetal ball, shivering wildly. She's alive!


	3. Chapter 3

My Little Miria -

Spoils of Friendship

A loud, long winded scream makes Miria wake from her stoned fear and she rushes to the edge of the cloud as Clare screams Raki's name. Clare is trotting in place yelling his name while Miria herself and the princess are wagging their tails, tongues loling over the edge of the cloud in anticipation of Raki's eminent splat.

There is a prolonged wail followed by a pusuwatch. "Odd," says Celestia. "That didn't sound right."

"Yeah...," says Ophelia, putting a hoof to her chin. "Normally when I drop something on her she goes spuwutch- not pusuwatch."

"Drop on her?" say Miria and Celestia in unison.

"I gotta' go check what happened," says Ophelia, dashing away in a blue and yellow blur.

"I know what happened," says Clare, a smile on her face.

"Tsk," says Celestia, "well at least that little horny toad knows not to bite noble flanks anymore."

"Clare?" says Miria but Clare is already hopping away, a spring to her step. Miria hangs her head down and sighs. Of course Raki must be alive somehow. The pervert. She swears she can even hear his groan from up here.

In fact she is not that far off from the truth as the trio below groans from the agony of the fall. The worst of the ones who took the damage the one who was hiding beneath Deneve's shaggy tummy in his efforts to hide from the seemingly hell bent carnivore, Helen.

Upon hearing the horrid call of "the Cheese!" from Helen, King Rat had dove under the closest shadow, that being under a pony named Deneve. Deneve had calmly and almost in a bored way walked away with him holding himself beneath her, while he, hiding from the bloodhound of a pony who'd pop in and out of bushes sniffing the air, tongue drooling and salivating while wailing the haunting word of Cheese over and over again. It didn't help that King Rat was now dripping a long puddle of sweat below Deneve giving him away, which Helen was quickly lapping up happily, trailing behind.

Then there was a sound, almost like "Ah! There you are!" and a long winded groan from Deneve. He'd simply sighed, waiting for the new pony to show up when he'd heard the scream.

He'd dropped ready to make a run for it when the scream had come down on Deneve with Deneve coming down on him with a pusuwatch! That pusuwatch being all his guts seeming to be smooshed down and rolled into his ears.

Deneve pops up, springing the broken doll off her that looks like a purple lizard and sighs. There is a loud flapping above him as a shadow crosses over him. King rat feels himself peeled off the ground, the tuft of grass coming away with his belly. "So this is what kept the splat from being good and proper," says Ophelia.

Rat inflates himself like a balloon, popping himself back into shape and growls. "Yes! And if you hadn't dropped that lizard on me I'd still be safe hiding!"

The haunting words of Cheese echo down the road and rat losing sense of himself grabs the new pony by the throat, wild eyed and screams, "Hide me!"

"Why?" asks the new pony nonchalantly.

"Cuz she'll eat me because of my cutie mark!" he wails.

"Oh," says the pony, looking over his flank. "You mean that cheese marking? We can handle that lickity split!"

"You can?"

"Yep. Just hold on." And before he knows it an electric razor is plugged into who knows what and has shaved him bald and naked. But the cutie mark is still there. Worse, it's throbbing and big as the pony had tried to dig away at the sides to get rid of it. Rat stares dumbfounded.

"It's still there!"

"Yeah. I'd suggest you run," says the pegasus smiling. "There's your hunter now!"

And rat can see the white pony's neck stretching, her mouth opening impossibly wide.

"Cheeeeeeesssseee!"

Rat's face droops, eyes turning wide like big saucers. "God? Why me?" And rat begins to pray to whatever gods will save him.

Miria follows the pink bright eyed pony who is bouncing along as if on single hoof, smiling happily. This is Clare, she thinks. She's so different. Why?

"So tell me," says Miria. "Why do you like Raki so much?"

"He taste intoxicating! I always get really high off licking his face, then I forget anything else!"

Miria's eyes widen and then narrow. Of course, they said he tasted like chocolate. Damn it, Clare is just another Helen. Miria rolls her eyes. "Is there no sane pony here?"

As they're approaching a tall hill Miria looks over, hearing something creaking and rattling and then there is a yell as Raki screams while sitting in some chair that has wheels on it, coming down the bumpy mountain really fast towards her. "Gang way!" Raki yells.

Miria's eyes grow wide, her skin paling, tail drooping. "Ah hell," she whispers.

The chair slams into her body, wheels rushing over her, leaving burning stripes down her back as she is suddenly crushed to the floor and there is a crash. "Oh Raki!" Clare yells, running to him, the purple dragon lying upside down against a tree, tail drooping. "Are you alright!"

Miria puts a hoof under her chin. "No, Clare I'm perfectly fine. Don't worry about me."

"Let me clean you up," says Clare. And she starts running her tongue down his flank, her eyes gaining a far away look. Raki for his own part starts to lick her back, running his tongue over her heel. Miria just stares wide eyed.

"Hey Clare," a grating voice says, snapping Miria's attention away from the couple. "I got Raki a wheel chair and neck brace for his inju..." The blue pegasus halts, her left eye twitching. Ophelia grits her teeth, eyes shutting tight and there is a sudden deafening roar as she screams, "GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!"

The roar makes the flowers suddenly explode, losing all their petals at once, a thunderstorm suddenly erupt from clouds' dale and the snow from a nearby mountain falls away.

Miria stares, surprised and mortified now. The only sane pony here is... Ophelia? Certainly that can't be right. She turns to Clare and Raki who are... making out, tongues buried in each others faces, bodies rubbing together. They act as if they hadn't heard Ophelia's roar. Miria sighs.

She turns to the blue pegasus and says, "Hello Ophelia, I..."

"Oh yeah!" says Ophelia rushing over to her, crushing Miria's two front legs close together, her face leaning reeeeeaaal close to Miria's own, squashing Miria's nose. "You're gonna help me now, right? Right? Right?"

Miria feels the color drain from her body, a warm trickle running down her legs... again. Ophelia is not sane... not by a long shot.

Rat is breathing heavily, heart thumping like a road runner's legs while he leans against a tree. Somehow the evil pony had only managed to leave three even red punctures on both sides of his flanks from where her teeth sunk in. Rat keeps his ears pricked listening for the eerie sound of "CHEESE" over the thunder of his heart.

"King Rat!" a yellow pegasus yells, jumping out of the bushes before him. He screams and is about to hide when he realizes who it is.

"Oh," he says, wiping away a small moat of sweat from his furless brow. "It's you Fluttershy. I thought..."

"Don't you Fluttershy me!" she says, giving him the stare. "You ran away from home and that isn't very gentlemanly!"

Rat suddenly feels his body petrify into stone, her eye keeping him in place. "Now what are we going to do about that, Rat? Are you going TO LOVE THIS PONY or..."

And then the dreadful howl of "cheese" sounds again and Rat's stoning shatters. "Hide me!" he yells, opening Fluttershy's mouth wide and wiggling his way in.

"Mr-mph!" Fluttershy complains, wide eyed as Rat forces his way into her mouth and down her throat to settle uncomfortably in her belly. "Oh my," she says, feeling her sore belly. "This isn't how I thought couples behaved!"

"Cheese!" a voice yells as a white pony hops into the clearing towards Fluttershy and starts sniffing the ground, heading towards the moat. She runs her tongue over it, lapping it in one swipe. Smacking her lips. "97 degrees, extra sharp. Just right!" She starts sniffing the ground again, smacking her nose against Fluttershy's expanded belly.

"Hmm..." she says, staring quizzically at Fluttershy. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you ate my cheese before me! But that can't be right! You're vegetarian!"

"Sleezy Carnivore," Rat's voice echoes through Fluttershy's ears.

"Hey!" yells Helen, pouting. "No need to be rude!"

"I wasn't being rude," says Fluttershy. "I..."

"Psycho nightmare pony!" Rat says from Fluttershy's stomach. "Your grandma smells of elder berries!"

"Well of course she does," says Helen, almost crying. "She ate herself to death on them! But no need to rub it in!" And Helen scampers away, crying loudly.

Fluttershy stares desperately after the disappearing pony and looks down at her enlarged stomach. "Now you come out of there this minute before I get really angry! Boyfriends aren't supposed to be in their girlfriend's bellies!"

"Just a minute," says Rat. "I need to find the exit again."

"Oh wait," says Fluttershy, feeling a tingling sensation beneath her. "That's not how you came in! That... ow! Oh... you shouldn't... ow! Oh..."

And Rat slowly forces himself out the canal, a process that takes him and Fluttershy a good five hours and finds himself dripping with yellow slime. Rat gags and wipes his crown against the floor. "Oh yuck! What have you been eating Fluttershy?"

"Beef and Bean burritos," she says through heaving gasp, her body spread eagle on the floor, mane in total disarray, black bags under her eyes. "Don't tell ... anyone... I'm supposed to be vegetarian. But I farm animals... and have a snack or two every week."

"Yeah," says Rat, swiping his hat against a rock nearby to get the fowl smelling gunk off. "I can tell!"

"Cheese!" a voice yells behind him and jaws suddenly close around him. He finds himself tightly constricted in Helen's pony jaws. The nightmare pony thinks for a moment, then a foul bile comes up and Rat finds himself flying, spit against a tree, the green bile sliding down his sides.

"Ewwww,..." says Helen, pinching her nose shut. "You don't taste like cheese anymore. You taste like beef and bean burritos dipped in jalapeno sauce!"

"Yes," says Fluttershy meekly, getting up slowly. "I like them with jalapenos."

Helen's face goes purple and she's suddenly a white blur running the opposite direction.

"Thanks," says Rat from his upside down position. "I've been trying to dodge her since..."

He suddenly feels a burning sensation at his scalp as Fluttershy somehow wraps her hoof around his scalp hairs and glares at him. "You owe me one," she says. "Girlfriends aren't supposed to give birth to their boyfriends! But first... you need... a nice... long... bubble bath!"

As sweet as the words are, the eyes do not match the words which look as cold as black coals. Rat feels his fur suddenly sprout out of his body from the fear of the pegasus before him. "Oh why didn't that crazy pony just eat me?" he whispers.

Miria finds herself hugging the blue pegasus tightly, her teeth grinding against one another, tears flowing out of her eyes as she is taken rapidly up into the sky at a sonic pace, well bypassing clouds dale the stars seeming to come frighteningly close.

"Ah, there she is," the psychotic yellow pony yells.

And Ophelia peels Miria off her stomach pulling her away from her. She smiles maliciously, a red glint to her eyes. "This is our stop!"

"No! No!" yells Miria. "No stop! Don't!"

"Oops, my hooves slipped! Bu-bye!"

Miria waves her hooves in the air, screaming. Ophelia sighs and taps her on the shoulder. "This is where you fall down Miria."

Miria looks over her shoulder, wide eyed. "What?"

Ophelia points down and Miria suddenly feels gravity take hold and falls rapidly, barely able to scream as her cheeks swell, eyes watering. She watches Clouds dale soar past and gives Celestia one sad glimpse before she rushes past heading quickly towards a white spot on the ground. A white spot that is quickly showing in detail with a black goatee and red marks all over.

"Who dares?" the male pony says when Ophelia slams into his body with a boom. She suddenly gets flipped off and slams face first into a thick trunk, knocking it down with the force of her blow.

"Oh..." she groans. "Stupid, freakin..."

"Who dares attack Kratos Pony!" the new pony screams, two knives flying from his back side and hitting the tree Miria is sitting on and bringing it rapidly towards him stopping just short of face.

"You dare attack Kratos Pony, the most powerful pony in all of Equestria!"

Miria stares only for half a second, her feet running rapidly over the pony's bald head before she is streaking faster then she thought possible.

"Come back here and fight like a pony!" the white pony yells, trees felling by the long whip swords around Miria. She starts to bawl "why me?" when she slams into a wall, her front teeth shattering against the stone. She backs up, spinning a circle before falling flat on her face.

The white pony nears her slowly, each clop of his hooves clacking loudly like a thunderstorm against the floor. His shadow blocking all light Miria stares up slowly looking into Kratos' ponies dark eyes, a shrewd heartless look on his face.

"What a disgraceful pony! I shall wipe your existence from Equestria! May Celestia be praised!"

And twin blades are unfurled, their wicked curves shining against the sun light. Miria stares, mouth agape, heart seeming to fall out of her chest. She starts laughing quietly, tears leaking from her eyes. She'd managed to survive countless monsters only to be killed by a man in a pony's body. Oh the irony.

"Cry if you wish. I will give no... uh...?"

Kratos pony looks up into the sky as a shadow blocks the sun but a bright heat seems to be coming closer.

"By Celestia..." Kratos pony says. "What in the ..."

WHABOOM!

There is a loud explosion, stone and rock flying into the air as Kratos pony disappears in a storm cloud from the firey attack. The dust slowly clears, a pony trotting out slowly from the storm.

"Who?" asks Miria.

A yellow pegasus walks out from the dust smiling widely. She grabs Miria, pulling her close, and crushing her against her chest. "No one hurts my fave unicorn except me!"

Miria sighs, her heart sinking. "Oh lucky me," she whispers.

Still it could be worse, Miria thinks, looking over Kratos plastered body, his tongue lolling out, several little yellow pegasi circling his head. But how can it be worse then this madness? she thinks looking into the overly wide smile of the cheerful Ophelia.

Elsewhere a certain rat would like to explain how as he struggles trying to breathe under water. "Now don't struggle so," says Fluttershy. "You brought this on yourself!"

"Hey Fluttershy!" says a loud pony.

"Eep!" Fluttershy cries, and shoves Rat deeper into the water.

A blue pegasi with a flowing multicolor mane trots up to the yellow pegasi and stares at her friend's hoof deep under water.

"What're you doin?" she ask.

"Oh nothing!" says Fluttershy. "Just some spring cleaning!"

Rat gurgles beneath, trying to make Fluttershy bring him up, but she simply shoves him against a stone, pressing his head tight against said rock.

"Spring cleaning?" says Rainbow, "It's mid summer!"

"Oh, you know, you can never be too early! Want to help?"

Rainbow looks at an invisible watch on her wrist and scratches her head. "Oh, I'd love to! But look at the time, I have some uh... cloud I have to clear out! Yeah! Later Fluttershy!"

And Rainbow Dash takes to her namesake, dashing away in a rainbow blur. "What a lazy pony!" says Fluttershy. "Wouldn't you agree..." and she draws King Rat out of the water, coughing and spluttering. "King Rat?"

"Gaaaahhhh..." he can only groans, the water in his belly making him sag.

"Oh! Look at all those bruises and scratches on my arm! What a mean boyfriend you are! You're going to have to learn your place with dear Fluttershy!"

He sees her fur turning from it's golden yellow to a darker bronze orange, her hair spiking up and going a deep red and he feels a different water drain out of him, his eyes leaking and finding himself shaking from something other then cold.


End file.
